Have you ever felt ripped off after spending time with someone?   We visited with some friends recently, and it bothers me that I’ve been stewing over the conversations that occurred during our visit.  Have you noticed that people seem to have forgotten how to listen?  Several times during our visit I opened a conversation topic, expecting to follow with a story, and within completing my first sentence, our friends launched into a story that our opening sentence reminded them of.

Not once did they ask us about us.  I never once got a chance to share what is going on in our lives…I just felt obligated to sit and politely wait for them to finish their stories.  I left feeling unimportant, and, well robbed.  There was no friendship there, no intimacy, no sharing, it was just a day to listen to how busy and important their lives are, period.  I know they’re not self-centred people at heart, I think they’ve just forgotten how to talk with others.

God, why does this bother me so much?  I feel so negated.  As I scan through the Psalms looking for an answer, I’m struck with the sheer number of times the plea from David, “Hear me”, occurs.  The truth is all people desire to be heard, to be deeply valued, our voices to mean something, our thoughts to be carefully considered, our needs to be heard, treated as weighty, and answered.   And it’s amazing how many times You, God, say, “Hear me! Listen to me!”...all through the scriptures!  I guess you have the same problem… people being too self absorbed to listen to you.  In Proverbs 18:13 it says, “He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame.” Why do people answer before listening?  Well the verse immediately before it says: “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honour.” Prov 18:12   Boy, I sure hope I don’t do that to people…make them feel like I don’t care.  I’ve always tried to make sure others feel that I value them, and that I care about their lives.

I read a blog post on Tom Jackson Productions website, and they discuss the same thing – they call this issue conversational narcissim.  And to borrow their wisdom, the author of the article, Leanne Albrecht, warns us from Phillipians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Help me, Lord, to still talk with humility.  Even though my needs aren’t getting met, help me to say so when appropriate, and only in the right way, otherwise, help me to keep my mouth shut and just listen... and truly to be ok with that.  Pro 11:24 One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. Let me be the one giving freely, Lord.

One thing keeps coming up in my spirit, how uncared for they must feel that they have to monopolize every conversation.  Help me, Lord, to meet their needs for caring and attention.  Perhaps when they finally feel noticed and heard, when their emptiness is finally filled, they’ll have the capacity to finally look beyond themselves and realize others need attention too.

Until then, Spirit, please help me to remember:  Pro 11:25 A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Amen… and if anyone wonders, I really do care what’s going on in your life.  I love you, my friend. I’m here to listen.

| reference:  Article on "The Lost Art of Conversation";  www.expressiveworship.net |